Today, December 1st, 2022, I am 1 year sober!
This is my story about how getting my ADHD under control helped me stop drinking alcohol.
During the pandemic, I lost control of my life. When lockdown started in March of 2020, I turned to alcohol as a way to numb my crippling anxiety and silence the static in my mind. This continued through 2021.
In October of 2020, I had been laid off for the second time in 3 months. At the same time, my partner had voluntarily left their job due to health and safety concerns due to their employer not following CDC rules, which resulted in 2 people dying. Neither of us had a job, and I was the only one able to claim unemployment. For months, we barely scrapped by on my unemployment. We were in a bad place financially, emotionally, all of it.
The stress and uncertainty of the pandemic and our lack of financial stability was weighing heavy on me. The federal unemployment aid stopped in January of 2021 and our only consistent source of income was cut in half. While looking for a new full-time job, I worked as a freelancer to try and bring in some extra income, but it wasn't enough. Finally, in February 2021, I found a new job. A remote position doing creative work.
My dependency on alcohol didn't stop there, however. In fact, it slowly got worse. With the entirety of our livelihood on my shoulders, there was a lot of pressure, stress, and anxiety on me to succeed. Alcohol kept its grip on me. Anything that stressed me our was greeted with a drink, a shot, a glass after work. I was drinking entire bottles of wine by myself in an evening; going through large (1.5L) bottles of brandy in 2 days. I was in denial about it, my partner started to notice things about my drinking habit, but at the end of the day, I did what numbed the pain, quieted the static, and temporarily filled the void.
Over the next year and a half, I remained the sole income in our household, thankfully, I was able to support our basic needs and keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. My dependency on alcohol steadily made me more and more worried about what I was doing to my body. I continually saw signs, posts, information in my social media about the harms and effects of alcohol. I began loosing sleep over it and worrying about my health. I actively tried to avoid the label "Alcoholic".
Throughout all of this, I was starting to struggle at work. Problems focusing, issues with productivity, etc. Sometimes the static of my mind got so loud that I couldn't even hear myself think. Alcohol quieted it for a little bit, numbed me enough to pretend I had control. Eventually, I turned to a friend who has been sober for 7 years+ and asked him for advice. He gave me an avenue to speak about what I was dealing with. He gave me permission to come to the realization that it was "okay" to admit to myself that I had a problem (thank you, Tim). That's when I decided to also talk with my doctor. We started chatting and it came up that I had ADHD and he noticed that I was not currently on anything for it. We decided to try getting my ADHD back under control
My ADHD is best described as 10 ratio stations all bleeding into one another at the same time with no way to tune the frequency.
Over the last few years, this "static" had become part of my environment. I just learned to "live" with it. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, around 8 years old. I had gone on ADHD medication when I was a kid and again at my first full-time office job around 2015 to help me focus, and it worked well. At some point I had stopped taking my meds - I think there was an insurance issue where they stopped covering my meds so I had no choice but to stop them at the time. We decided to pick up where I had left-off last time.
December 1st, 2021, was my first dose back on ADHD medication. Since that day, I have not had alcohol. I do not feel the desire for alcohol or the need to drink it at every little stressor in my life anymore. The static in my mind and my ADHD are't perfect, but there is a world of difference from where I was a year ago. Since starting back on my meds, I got a promotion at work, built this community, Uncommon Creator, from scratch. I can identify myself again.
This is just the beginning.
If you or someone you love is struggling to overcome an alcohol addiction/dependency, allow yourself/them a safe place to be vulnerable - its a complex combination of emotions including but not limited to: guilt, insecurity, shame, fear, etc
Resources:
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The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) overview of ADHD:
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development. People with ADHD experience an ongoing pattern of the following types of symptoms: Inattention means a person may have difficulty staying on task, sustaining focus, and staying organized, and these problems are not due to defiance or lack of comprehension. Hyperactivity means a person may seem to move about constantly, including in situations when it is not appropriate, or excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, hyperactivity may mean extreme restlessness or talking too much. Impulsivity means a person may act without thinking or have difficulty with self-control. Impulsivity could also include a desire for immediate rewards or the inability to delay gratification. An impulsive person may interrupt others or make important decisions without considering long-term consequences.
About the Author: Jonathan Andrews, Founder & Creative Director at Uncommon Creator™. He is neurodivergent, LGBTQIA+, and partially sighted.
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